💛One day I realized that my unconscious need to please was at the cause of my exhaustion, my disenchantment. I saw that I was betraying myself every time loving others crossed over the line into making sure they were happy. When the self-betrayal line was crossed, I no longer had access to my unlimited full-body-god-force-spiritual-energy anymore, but I was drawing from my emergency reserve tank, and that tank has its limits. Depleting myself was not love at all, nor was it loving. That day I decided I was done with betraying myself like that. I claimed it out loud so my entire being could hear me. I said: “I completely let go of the need to please” and I sent the words into the wind for the universe to hear too. The universe heard me. Right after I declared it, the things that had become difficult to do before, were impossible to do now. So I listened even more. I stopped doing what didn’t feel right anymore, even though my mind disagreed loudly. I listened to the impulse in my body that yelled : “Stop. No. Not now. Not Today. Not this week. Not this month. Not this person, for now. When the time is right, you will know. BUT NOT ONE MOMENT SOONER” So I stayed put. I stayed present.
During that inward period, during my time-out from the busyness of the outside world, I heard my body asking clearly for what it needed. Lots of stillness, contemplation, and writing. But when there was resounding “yess” in my body; when people, places, conversations resonated with my inside, I also listened, and I engaged the outside world, on my own terms. I’d check in with my body, always, to see if I truly wanted to be there, wanted to say something, or simply needed to breathe. To my amazement I saw that “pleased” was still happening, but in a different way, in a grounded, lower belly kinda way. “Pleased” was alive and well, but it was simple and easy, it was quiet and united, it was abundant, and all around. “Pleased” was happening on its own, it was a byproduct of presence and truth, and it wasn’t my responsibility. I wasn’t the manager or the director of it. This deeply changed me. Like Brenee Brown says: “I am not as sweet as I used to be, but I am far more loving.” Having untangled truly loving from the personal responsibility of another’s joy showed me that nothing is taken away. What is real and truly matters always remains. But we first, I had to let go.
Let go of the need to please, and all will truly be pleased.
Let go of the need to be needed, and all true needs will be met.
Let go of the need for connection, and remember you are connection itself, and you are never not safely whole.